Emotion🕊

Oh goodness, I’m a ball of emotion on a Monday morning on the bus ride to one of the last days of school before Christmas break. Last night my church held an event, playing a 2 hour long film called “The Chosen.” I strongly encourage you to watch it. Gods presence in that room was well known.

A song played called “Gratitude.” When I tell you, in my 16 years of life, I’ve never felt such raw emotion. This is a milestone for me. In the last 4 years, I’ve experienced depression in the harshest way possible. Coming back from it, I couldn’t help but feel numb to everything and everyone. It was very hard for me to deal with the loss of my mother and great grandmother, who raised me the entirety of my life. Feeling Numb to your emotions makes it very difficult to deal with them. That includes truly going through the motions of grief. My life has been significantly changed and I’m finally coming out of that numbness. That means picking up where I left off, and finally dealing with that grief. It can be very mentally challenging. Last night though, that song came on and reminded me that God loves me SO much. He hasn’t turned away from me the entire time. I’ve felt so distant but he’s always been so close. I’ve never been physically emotional about my love for Jesus. I’ve always had it, but never felt an overwhelming experience of Love and hope. Last night was something I’ve never felt before in that magnitude. God is truly doing things in me, and my life. Because of what I’ve lost, I’ve always feared what comes next. I now can finally say I believe that whatever happens, it’s according to his plan and there is a bigger picture. One of the things about our God, if your heart is hardened, he will break it to get to you. In the most loving way. Just as Jesus was wrapped in swaddling clothes, and placed in a feeding/drinking trough, he coddles our heart. He loves us and holds us close.

I’m saying this from a few years of experience, God will move in you, in unimaginable ways if you allow him. And for some of us, even if you don’t allow him too, he will get to you anyways. His love for us is beyond the human capabilities of understanding. We have used so many words for it, but even then, none truly will ever do it justice. I long for the day where I can experience it face to face, along side my mother and great grandmother. My great grandmother, as many of you know, was a strong and God fearing woman. So as much as I mourn her loss right now, her faith brings me peace. She’s where she has always hoped to be.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬